「 found it on 6:19 AM 」

26th March 07 6:19am


YAY! I am back......

Errr...... Gay........ X_X

Okok..... It's a rare occasion to see me up and awake at such an early hour of the day..... *REALLY RARE*

While most of my mates must be still fast asleep, or just awoke to brush their theeth, or something, I'm in the midst of packing my bag.....

I was suppose to get a wake up call from Rusty.... Hasn't came... THANK GOD I SET THE ALARM... Turns out, i gave the wake up call at 6 to our cute little new transfer (Nicholas!)

I think it wouldn't be long before he finds out that, me and sleep has been best friends for a long long while.... I love sleep alot alot... :p

Zzz.... I wonder if i will over pack again..... HA!!!! Gotta bring my stats book there too.... Must chiong for my exam in camp....

Man, I hope that through this camp, my guys would somehow be empowered by something, and we can work together, towards the +3 Easter goal!!!!

OMG!! WAH!!!!! I forgot... I still have to lead games!!! MY SCRIPT!!! zzzzzzz Pengx.......

I am gonnna die.............. Die die die............

No la, i think should work out la.... But the next time remind me not to lead games again? Please? Becoz i'm neva in uniform group, and the only game I can play best is "Catching".
That's just becoz i can run pretty fast. lol........

Ok.... I'll continue to pack my bag....... .

Oh yea, that reminds me too... there's still the Evo Retreat post i forgot to post... HAIYA! After the camp la k?!

Ok dun miss me blog.... Be back on Thursday Nigga.....




-Gonez.... (for 3 days) SOb.......

 

The End?

「 found it on 3:13 AM 」

24th March 07 3:13am

I must find a way to make myself sleep somehow.... LOL!!

I recently got caught in a suddenly respawned DOTA crazed..... Apparently I suck la...... I am always the guy who get's first blooded* (that means i get hacked, not the other way round). and sometimes i can get owned so ridiculously, makes me not much of a difference creeps, except, i am a creep that's worth 200 gold... LOL...

I DOTAed for quite a while, owned the computer AI la..... (kiddish yes i know).... My brain must be jacked with kiddish adrenaline rushes, coz my body seems a lil far from exhausted, or like "i am ready to sleep" kinda emotions....

Actually...... Not.......

The shitty nostalgia's back.... And it's really irritating especially when u just finished a day... And at night, when u thought u can just close your eyes, and drop dead in 3 seconds... This emotions comes flying to u, and hit u left and right till u feel so messed up. It's just a temporal kinda thing, and maybe also becoz I'm partially melancholic, so i tend to enjoy moment of day dream and reminsce, and get a little worked up and emo for no apparent reason.... (wa starting to sound like some psycho kid)

Wow, i got 2 big pimples on my nose bridge... it's seriously screwing up my image...

I was chosen to backup sing for the camp... It's quite a honorable task, coz a few 100 people will be looking at me sing, and waiting for me to usher them into God's presscence... I really love that kinda limelight.... But during the 2 practices.... I feel GAY as SHIT..... I didn't feel in place with the Church's wammers... They were a bunch of talented people. Like Ben, Nel, Joycelen, felicia, kelvin...

WAHA!!!!

And base on my personality, i will feel very out of place when my standard and their standards are like leagues apart...
I tried to fit in that kinda thing... I tried to act like i'm fine.. Try to add a little lubricant to my own extrenal image so that i might slide and fit in... But it seems like i'm the wrong nut for the screw.....
Maybe i'm a little too over-sensitive, or prideful, or errr... I dunno... hahaz... But it's not the people's fault, truth is, they were tryin hard to not let me feel awkward.... But I just kinda get all TINGLE LINGLE LING and shit...

ha....

Zzzz... Feelings still here... what should i do.... Maybe i go read the word.... But i should do something about it... Maybe what my mind seeks is a proper closure... Or maybe the devil might be tempting me... But stilll it looks like a good deal...

*SLAP

.........


Oh yea, i just remembered.... Stats exam.... My module exams are coming to me like creeps and 1 bane elemental rushing to me, when i'm just a cute little level 1 meepo.... Zzzzz...... Lord... HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok...


-GONEZ-


*Prayer:

Lord, I pray that u bestow me focus and strength to give my utmost to you in the games and in the Praise and worship parts that i'll be in for the Camp... Lord u up hold everybody in the camp commitee and everybody in church that through this camp we can grow together, and move closer to our 2007 Goal... Lord U grant me wisdom to handle my on-coming exams, and my cocked up emotions... lord in all this i pray... In jesus name............................
Amen

 

The End?

「 found it on 1:59 PM 」

14th March 07, 1:59pm

This has to be one of the shittiest time to blog.... LOL!!!! I am rushing for my camp... Haven't even packed my bag... i think i'm over packing a little.... ARGHHHHHHH

Print my schedule, readin the lyrics for praise, counting the undies needed(ok well no...)....... WAD THE HECK AM I DOIING HERE?

I was kinda struck by some mixed nostalgic, gay, hairy, tingling sensation... I was slacking and browsing the website, then BOOOOOOM!!!! WAHA!!!!!! Really losing my focus.... ZZZZZZzzzz Get back on track!!!!!!!!!!!

*Ok blog starting to sound like absoulute gibberish*

I manage to a Front Hand Spring.... YAY!!!!!!!

I'm having some rough times with the guys in my group... AWWWW.......

2 Of our brothers got baptised!!! YAY!!!!!!! (Joshua and David)

Feeling absoulutely crapped up now..... DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so gonna die.... *WORRIES*


God please get my mind straight alright?????? I'm gonna be ushering the people into praising you on thursay... can u give me like GOOD VOICE, GOOD ATTITUDE, and the BEST MIND AND STATE to PRAISE YOU!? I'm sure u will..... Thanks God.....


Yo nigga's gotta go..... I am so so so busy.... zzzzzzzzzzz



-Gonez

 

The End?

「 found it on 2:43 AM 」

2:43am 07 March 07

I have been sleepin 5 hours each day for the past 3 days... I think i will eventually screw myself up.... My old problems like my aching back seem to become more prominent this few days... And i seriously don't think it's a good sign.

I recently got involved in some kinda shit. I can't say anybody implicated me into it, it was just me who willingly walked in without giving much of a damn about what I can really do to the situation.... Turns out, I landed myself in a familiar place, and the whole thing.... though people said "Thanks for your help," and shit... I felt it was a total fiasco....

Seems like it's a trend, but if I had been more pro-active and responsible on my work.. I won't be where I am tonight... Struggling to stay awake with a coffee that taste a lil crazy at this current moment... Perhaps I am not such a good coffee maker afterall... hahaz....

It's precisely because I'm a leader and servant, and also becoz I am part of the minority that seeks to walk the road less traveled by.... I need to keep myself way above waters, and rely on God's strength even more.....

I am weak by nature, so i need to rely on you doubly.... ^_^

Learning how to be teachable.... It's pretty amazing, and ironic how God can use not only just use your dream time, or get somebody to talk to you to get his message across... I recently fell into a state of decline for 2 weeks... And i prayed.... God gave me a sign instantly, in such away that if I wasn't sensitive to my surroundings, I would have let it slipped away...

Complacency has got the better of me these days, and right after I prayed, seems that God is kicking me in the ass shouting "Let's get to work." Though the kick pretty painful... I still smile back at him, knowing that he's not gonna screw me up... I can read it from the twinkle of his eye...

Ok back to work...


Lord Bless my project work that it turns out well, and pray that you grant me strength to combat the hinderence of my growth...



-Zzzzzzzz.... ARGH!!! WORK!!!!

 

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「 found it on 4:17 AM 」

04 March 4:17am

Who's the most popular guy at the NUDIST beach?

The guy who can hold a cuppa tea on each hand, and still hold 12donuts.... ^_^












Who's the most popular gal on the nudist beach?

The one who can eat the 12th Donut.... ^_^


-LOL

 

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「 found it on 4:41 AM 」

 

The End?

Disclaimer: I sincerely tell you, this is a deeper part of my life... And anoybody who reads this should deem this as fictional... And do not make any attempts to mimic my life... Becoz no matter wad happens... If you screw up.... You're answerable to your own lord....
Life is in your control, so don't screw it up... And Be yourself


4:15 3rd March 07


2nd March la...


I just arrived home not too long ago... I guess around 45 mins ago....

It was a day which in an extremist point of view... Was really high, and non christian... But fun day... I WAS REALLY HIGH for the day... Doing all kinda crap that most people that knows me, would not expect me to do..

I was feeling pretty fucked during the wee hours of the days.... I couldn't really get my mind straight... And the fear in me that the choice I made to kinda become a WORLDLY man for a day might have me craving more for more WORLDLY moments, and eventually in my "organization"s case would be considered mul-functioning/backsliding....

It would be pretty scary if that happens... I mean my life time goal, vision or wadeva is somethin similar to pastoral... Getting my hands dirty for the people... Build the churches, or sing to a extremely tiny church..... I dun give a shit... it's cool.....

But it's the recent taste of "WORLDLINESS" that really threw me off the track... It's like a kid that taste chocs for the first time.. they just keep wanting it.... Which is pretty scary...

In my point of view... I really don't see any errors with enjoyin my recent pleasures... But i can see how it blocks my current growth path in church to become a cute little CL.. And if i slide back from that position... It's seriously hard... I'm not sure how hard... But i know it's gonna be DOG hard for me to get the credibility of the church to trust me all over...

think about it... What i'm asking for it's a vacation... or like an answer to seperate selfish ambitions, and my own good vision....

How can 1 person who swims and become a champion say that he's doing it for GOD? Is that the way he serve God? Isn't that selfish? You get the big chest and shiney medals... And u say.. "YEA FOR GOD" It's for your own ass U muthaF***ER....

I wanna get Gold for nationals tournament(tkd), for my own future... God glorifying, but more becoz i wanna reinforce my fucked up diploma... Is that selfish?
I wanna be a good entrepreneur that helps the society in wadeva way i can... Hire the less fortunate and stuff... But i wanna earn big money for my family to enjoy luxury that they deserve, and to see my tithe works so significantly, like through my tithe, all the musicians suddenly get an expensive guitar, better keyboards, stage has better lightings, better sound systems.. Is that Selfish?
I want time for myself to find myself... Straighten myself out, and set my path right... Is that selfish too?

I'm blinded for the moment... I feel like i wanna burst out and start on all these mid term goals.. But I fear that God wouldn't be pleased.....

I'm not sure what i want is right or not... I would expect the leaders all who afta reading this blog give me advice like. "Pastoral is the first step" I understand that point... Perhaps i'm a little impatient... My dreams seems ridiculous.... Becoz their ridiculous, that's why they're still dreams right?

I will be on my own... Become a church member only... And get less opportunities to serve God the way I like to get my hands dirty.... Kinda sucky...
Becoz afterall.... I still wish that afta all my "selfish" ambitions are accomplished... I can retire from the world, and go and help Hope Church all over the world plant their churches... Pile the bricks up, and use my amatuer vocals, but great passion and sing to the less fortunate whom i really wish to see one day gathered in all hope churches...

But who would trust somebody who goes out to "seek himself" comes back and becomes some kinda "ANDY STANELY" or "REINHARD BONNKE".

So what can I do now? My final career, vision, dream, goal.. Wadeva the fuck u wanna call it is clear stated in the paragraph above... Seems like I have to in the RAT race for a little while more....

 

The End?

03 March 07

Before I start my chronicles for the day.....
I wanna get something off my chest a lil...

May i ask.... Wad's a blog for?

It's a journal right? Freedom to Express yea???

Despite the fact that i wrote disclaimers before a firery blog... People still seem to have a problem with it...

I mean well i'm pretty cool with that... Just to kinda reinforce like.... Like my LINK reads says... free-expression (sounds screwed w/o the S i know). I really enjoy venting my joys and anger here....

If people thinks they understand me by what I blog... I must say... you're pretty wrong... I carry several different moods, and motive when i write a post.... And sometimes, when there's a true heart piercing, or mind boggling stress in my life... I'll just leave them out, reason that I may be too tired, or people will jus freak out by reading my post.....

truth is.... I'm not so much of a diary person... My true joy and pains has to be shared through my mouth... not exactly through here... Although this is a good place to start... and i always endeavour to be faithful in blogging... Stilll it's not really the whole of me....

So yea.... ha.... Do not judge a book by it's cover? Do not judge the author by his books bah... hahahaz...


-LOL

 

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