「 found it on 4:34 AM 」

31 Dec 4:41am

BIG FAT DISCLAIMER: THIS POST is written in exageration, or exaspertaion... PROFUSE USE OF words like F*** and S*IT.. It's strongly adviced that U should not continue reading this post.. No matter wad Age you are... Or U might see blood squirting out of eyeballs, And maybe U might wanna knife me another day.. SERIOUSLY... DUN READ... CLICK OTHER LINKS... AND DUN SCROLL DOWN.....

U have been Warned....











Last Day of 2006... I hope I end tml with a bigger smile on my face...

It's pretty fucked up how today ended.... With some random open end questions, from my MUM, and my granny with her usual "U will go to hell(hokkian)". Not that my granny hates me, it's her way of saying, Your keep doing this, u will die, or finish or wadeva u wanna say.... But I'm feeling a lil sensitive over the words that they're using on me... Dun get me wrong.. I'm not 100% pissed at them... in fact... I've gotta say... I haven't been a USEFUL, or WORKING, or even the word I feel it's the most important for every child... FILLIAL... I have no idea wad the shit I've been doing, seems like I've really shoved my family to one of the Important, but not so important priorities anymore.... And WAD A GOOD TIME to surface my shitty results... And I really bet more is to come... I dunno how God's gonna do it... But i'm really holding on to a miracle, like a man holding on to a lampost when a tornado comes, that somehow TP might accept a SHITTY asshole like me... No RESULTS = Mono-entry NS(shittiest Saikang), Lousy career(Pemernant Fucked Up Sai Kang), and making my parents suffer with me... (Fucking unfillial) So I'm under heat... I betta do smth GOOD... I better fucking get to work.. Do Something... I hope I can do something.. Get into TP, that's the best.. Buy time from army, to find myself, start a biz... Or advance to advance dip...... No matter.. Key purpose is to not get screwed in the army too early... I'm not even a CL yet!! TP GUYS ARE NOT STRONG ENOUGH!!!!!! I HAVEN'T GOT MY BAND UP YET!!!!! A shitty Dip from some PSB ASSHOLE skool is not gonna impress my sergant or my boss... I dun even wanna be under a BOSS... Give me another chance man... I promise i really do REALLY REALLY well... Not waste my time so shittyly.

It's 4:50am, I hope within the next 5hrs, I can create some miracle that can make my parents smile abit, and can sercure my future for them..

I actually started off the day pretty beautifully.... Nothing fantastic, not like it snowed, or some shit.. I was just awaken by the Revelation I had for my VISION when I was at Muthu's Curry with Kenneth... I really thought, this whole ministry thing is really to test my endurance, and to stretch my knowledge in the WORD... It's all about leading people to success, to GOD... And it's like the basic stuff U need before U can become a worship leader.... My Vision is to start my own band, to have a bunch of God Loving, Music enthusiast.. Really juz sing for God in every part of the world, and to see that everytime we perform... Not only believers, but even non-belivers would feel so touched they will unknowing sway to the music, and to god... I tried to tell that to KANA... I dun really know if he caught it.... I hope I can motivate him to work with me... He dun need to be a CL, but maybe a Coreteam member...
Okok back on track...
My granny came and sat on my bed... My mum was rumaging through a whole pile of.... "STUFF" in my room... She was packing things up.... My granny spoke "Ah boy, lata follow me go buy oil and rice for the house" Time was 11:15am... about 2 hrs to DMM... I was really thinking.... Ok.. At the start, Nel would wanna encourage us, or wait for late comers etc. I think i can be late, and try to be fillial for once... I agreed...... I felt motivated spiritually & mentally, but physically I was pretty dead beat... I slept at 4am the night before... Coz I chose to Football Manager... God gave us choice right? Blame it on myself then... I went to buy... bla bla.... My actions were extremely slow today.. I felt like anybody can knock me out today.. I kept telling my body... "GO OVERDRIVE!!!! GO GO" I took a cab down to DMM at BEDOK becoz i realize I arrived at bedok at 1:53lpm already... I arrived there at dunno wad time... 2 plus...
Ben gave a teaching on Counseling, alot on Solomon & Rehoboam's story.. .In fact it's all.. But I was focusing on copying 1 of the DMM teaching that I missed... I thought it would be useful for Lancaster... I was trying to add my own flavor in... Then Nel's turn... I didn't know there would be 2 teachings.. I was like "SHIT!!! IF LANCASTER COME, I'M NOT READY ENOUGH!!!" Then Nel taught about something that I really lost for a long long long while... It's Vision... I'm still at a blur... I have so much to ask her... Maybe I will... I'll read the teaching again.. But I know, when i heard the title.. My ears kinda perked up... I was straining hard to hear her becoz the environment was seriously screwed up... There's TV right above us, and a bunch of kids yelling at their top opp us..

Then Service... I have to say.. I'm really discouraged when I saw... 8 PEOPLE turned up for Service... I was like... "what the shit is this? we have 14Believers + 5 new guys.. Where the hell in the world are they?" Then another side of me struck me "It's your fault u didn't confirm their attendance.. U did bad, your leaders are sure to question you" Both ways... It wasn't good... Plus physically i was feeling worst by the min.... I strained to Praise God... When lancaster came... For some reason, I felt motivated... I tried to jump too.... But overall.. I'm juz tired la...
When Pastor Jasmine preached.. I know it's on Eph... I recieved quite a lot for point 1.. But when she reached point 2... I felt like i was gonna drop dead anytime... I took lan's fone... Played the snakes... To try to get my focus back... then I stopped, and directed my focus back on Jasmine... 3rd Point was ok too... But I realize that people around me ain't really copying much... And some were even engaged in their conversations I think the guys need to grow the habit of listening attentively, and write down useful points...

Then we had dinner.. all the same... Oh YEA! suppose to celebrate Si Liang's Bday... But he could come... Thank god I can use the receipt for next week... Hope he comes next week... I went to the Arcade... I was slightly distracted.. But overall it was fine... I spent 9bucks on the arcade... I felt the pinch in my heart... But i really enjoyed playing the drums.. LOL......

Then PX, XT etc. We all went to eat Tau Huey....... I think the tau huey kinda woke me up.. sugar... Jolene was trying to come up with some crazy games.... The games weren't impressive, but her thinking process really made me chuckle... She's like a big big SOTONG... lol (no offence) hahaz... Then after that we juz kinda left and all... We walked abit... Then I blurt to XT that I wanna sing at EvoRetreat... I felt like I wanna see how people feel about my singing, and I wanna use EvoRetreat as some kinda major medium to have God impact me with a new challenge, or show me a new checkpoint to achieve my Vision... But maybe I'm wrong... fact is, I know it myself.... The mere possibility of me becoming a CL(a) by January's breakup is hanging dearly on a thin thread... Thanks to my crappy shitass attitude for the past months.... It's hard to convince or to show anybody, even myself that I'm motivated.. Now I have the motivation. I guess the next thing is to try to maintain it.. Read the WOG, see wad it tells me... And work on it.... I'm feeling really really discouraged... I'm juz glad that there some kinda tiny little heat dryin up my moulding body.... gotta find a way to not let that fire flicker away, and try to make it into an INFERNO.... Man... Sounds like more work...

SPeaking of which.. I guess I really gotta got to bed... I hope God bless me a super fruit 2007... A year that's spirit filled, and miracle filled... SO much so that it blows me away even thought i've converted for 9months already... And also bless that tml I'll be able to strech the $30 for the family I'm blessing tml with useful, and Q:P ratio is to max items... I dun really care about the 150 Vouchers.. And i really dun like any of the people performing tml... I dun think it will interest me at all.. But I guess, it's the thought that 40 families will be blessed tml, kinda brings a smile to my face....



OKok.. I'm gonna sleep..




Gonez...

 

The End?