「 found it on 1:32 AM 」

10th Dec 06, 1:33am

Disclaimer: Extremely long... And somewhat Explicit

Woah... It's quite a day today... I was so tired, immediately after I got off bus 65, I was walkin at the speed of ........... A sloth.... I was kinda dragging myself back.. And it's been a while since i really feel this mixture of satification, motivation and tiredness kinda mixture...

Gosh... I had exams at 9:30... This is the first miracle that happened to me...
In the morn, i was feeling like shit.. I was worried that whatever i learnt is not deep inside... (actually it really isn't deep inside) And to make things worst, I arrived at the bustop at 9:04, I looked at the bus-stop my mouth gapped wide open "NOBODY'S THERE.... THAT MEANS 506 IS GONE!! OH NO! I'm GONNA BE BARRED FROM EXAM!!! LATE!! ARGHHHHH"

I sat down, and started to pray... kept praying... "GOD, U are great, and i know u're not about to send me to disaster... Please please send me a bus..." 9:11 506 arrived.. I was like "Shit...... 9:11am.. Bedok reservoir Road... WTF?!" I found a seat, half read and half prayed that some mircale might happen.... I kinda slipped off with being girly with God... I had to repent.. I was a lil skeptical.. But LOW AND BEHOLD.... I was there at 9:33am! WOAH! thank god.. I was still within the 15mins window... I dunno how it happened.. But it's really amazing..

After the paper I wanted to take my own sweet time, and sleep in the bus on my way to Raffles Place for the Microsoft Seminar. But this was not to be.... i receieved a message juz as i was boarding the bus.. There's DMM!! OMG!!!! I was a little relucatant.. I didn't believe that i can give any valuable opinions... But I eventually convinced myself, this 2 weeks is crucial.. Juz go.. U might learn something.... OK... so i took a detour... and left for Cuppage... My plan was to stay at cuppage for a while then leave to the Seminar.. That way i will not disappoint Rusty and Mervyn.
Needless to say I was feeling pretty dazed and tired... For a moment, ben tot I was glaring at him when he asked me a question too..

After an hour, I flew off to Raffles Place to go into the convention... The place was filled with people... I spend about 1 hour plus there... Although there's this speaker called Leonard that spark a lil interest in me to hear the seminar.. Most of the time, i had no idea wad i was doing... I know i wasn't asleep.. I guess I was thinking about the guys...Who's gonna be at service, who's gonna be at prayer meet and stuff...
Finally break time... The sweet thing about microsoft is that, they're always generous in their food and drinks... I got a little greedy, and took 2 Ice mountains... Lol...
then i got into a tiffy with Mervyn and Rusty... I really didn't felt all that neccessary to understand XML becoz it dosen't apply to my current academics and perhaps a short term career.. So i really wanted to go to Prayer meet, and I urged them too.. But afta some crappy arguements...... they stayed on anyways...
I left... And juz walked quickly from the Boulevard to the MRT, and etc. I was at the Prayer Meet at the very end... And i was pretty saddening to see only 2 of our Guys there. Su Quan and Lik Choon... I was like... "AWW SHIT!" And at the back of mind half afraid that the leaders would ask me.. "Why are the guys not here?" becoz i know, I haven't done a good job in informing them... 2 messages to each person and some people 4 messages is juz not enough...

The guys really dun have the habit to reply the messages... Talk about courtesy and responsibility... I dun really like the idea of kinda makin the effort to ring u up... Bug u to come... Partially becoz I'm lazy, and partially U're FREAKING TERTIARY MAN!?!?! WTF?!
I tot we've been through this many times? We're Christians happen to be ____ , NOT _____ Happen to be Chrisitians... If we're not Gung Ho right now, we're gonna be Hope's NEW PRESBYTERIUM BATCH when we enter the adult group.. Not to be extreme or wadeva, but Where's the spirit man? The priority? WTF are you doing?
Chinese say New waves pushes the old and weak waves.. But it seems that the New waves are indecisive.. Waddling, and really inward looking... fact is.. I doubt half of the people can pin point exactly wad's the problem with the group....

Ok so service starts... i was really shagged.. But I tried to keep my eyes bouncing... Keep myself awake.. I told myself, "U will be inspired today... God will Change u" It's been the kinda thing i told myself for a couple weeks already.. But it dosen't seem to work till today... Perhaps i read the bible, or perhaps the Holy Spirit was already ringing in me that i'm gonna get a little wake up call today...

For some weird reason, I met the bunch of people who stomped me(before i convert) while i was seating at Isle cafe.. I'm not sure if they noticed me... But I tried to act like i didn't see them... But then.. at the end of service i thought... Those were the very guys that taught me a valuable lesson on exccess pride, I should try to share christ to them... Ha... maybe i'll try that next time

I did.... During praise and worship i tried my best to jump during praise... My back was feeling totally crazy... But i jumped anyway... Subsequently the pain subsided(2nd miracle) then... Pastor jeff and Michael spoke alot today.. In expecting a miracle... I learned alot.. I was for some reason attentive throughout the whole thing, Yon brought his friend too.. I'm really pleased, becoz Yon always seem to be uninterested in evacsing... But he hides AK47 under his blanket huh... okok... Here's the most significant part.. Which struck cold of me... Pastor Jeff ended his sermon by talkin about a Sister in church whom her mum died... She said this "I'm never gonna see my Mum again" well.... it's not that serious right??? "I'm neva gonna see her, not even in heaven..." That struck me cold... I could sense that the least half of the church was shocked by that wake up call too.. for a few secs i noticed..Total silence.. Not even flipping of paper, or clicking of pen is heard during that moment... Then pastor Jeff continued etc. I thought to myself... I DUN WANN SEE THAT!!! I owe alot to my parents, they brought me out to earth, fed me, made me 1.7M tall, dark and handsome... I'm not gonna juz let them go to hell... If i let them go to hell, is as good as u spare me a penny, i slap u in the face... It's not love.. It's sadistic.. I set my mind.. I wanna bring them to the 23 ESS... I wanna start sowing on them... I really love them...

After we had dinner... XT messaged me about collecting the TidBits for WKS2... I smacked myself on the head... I thought damn.. The guys are really kick a fuss... It really happened... I was pretty tired at that moment but i was firm on my arguement.. I wasn't really into tryin to shut him up or anything... I was tryin to make it clear that WE ALL.. ALL THE GUYS!! NEED THE GUNG HO SPIRIT... AND they need to start giving a Fking damn about the caregroup already... The caregroup can only move quickly and efficient when we all mvoe up together... Dun blame it on systems, or wad wad...

I seriously admit that I'm an Incompetent leader.. The least, I haven't found 1 at this current moment that's worst off than me... But the least I'm changing... And I know I can't set a huge impact becoz the guys dun see my credibility, They rather go to ben, or XT.. fine with me.... But afta all that... Why are they still not moving? And Ya, wad's with blaming each other??? WTF?

I'll do my best in driving all of us... I really hope we juz care for each other, and be Gung Ho about his GOD thing... It's a permanant thing, eternity shit... It's like my priority juz before a million dollar deal with donald trump. Stop tryin to roll around this CG's filth, and start clearing it up... Rolling up filth is not gonna make the CG any cleaner, u're juz gonna spread the filth.... STAND UP AND START SHOVLING! if u dunno how, U can appraoch your leaders! Or if u like... ME?!?!?!?!?!?! Dun juz seat around and make genius plans for skyscrapper when u're juz looking at a pile of quicksand...
FUCK IT...



If u feel lost and stuff.. Perhaps you're like me... I lost my child like faith, i became spritually dry... And i started to make this walk with god, a walk FOR god... I was on my own... Though for God, I forgot how i enjoyed his prescence and kinda freak out at every moment i feel the holy spirit, and kinda even at times when i'm bored, mumble to the ceiling which a matter fact it's actually God i'm talkin to...

GO BACK TO YOUR FIRST LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





Argh damn dude.. I'm tired...

-Gonez

PS: I really thank lancaster for his efforts to help me... U have been a great help even though u are new and busy with so many church events.. .REALLY REALLY THANK GOD FOR YOU...

PS: Thanks Lancaster for reminding to go back to my first love again.. Keep that child like faith man...

 

The End?